As UKIP’s vote appears to be surging in the Eastleigh by-election, party leader Nigel Farage is trying every trick to maximise his advantage.
He has co-written a pop song, bizarrely based on one of his speeches to the European Parliament, and performed by a Portuguese rock outfit called ‘JOE x Ppl’ of all things. The dirge-like riff, released tomorrow, turns a Farage rant about the financial crisis into ‘music’.
Listening to it, Dog reached straight for the ear-muffs. Nigel had better hope the voters don’t do likewise.
Flamboyant ex-Tory MP Jerry Hayes, who returned to his old job as a lawyer after being kicked out by the voters, reveals that it was he who persuaded Chris Huhne’s former wife Vicky Pryce to use the ‘marital coercion’ defence in their speeding points case. To his annoyance, Vicky then chose another barrister to defend her – a lucky escape, given that his tactic may have contributed to the jury’s utter bafflement, which forced an embarrassing retrial. ‘Cheeky s*d’ is Jerry’s Oscar Wilde-like riposte when this is pointed out.
At least it wasn't a big pink turban, Dave!
Downing Street spent an age deciding what colour bandana David Cameron should wear during his visit to the Golden Temple Sikh shrine in India. In the end, they plumped for blue – genius – but he still looked a bit daft.
Visiting the Golden Temple: David Cameron at a Sikh shrine in India in FebruaryDog reckons Dave, right, got off lightly compared to Margaret Thatcher’s better half Denison a similar Indian jaunt in the Eighties. Locals in a village outside Delhi adorned him with a vast pink turban, leaving Denis to mutter under his breath: ‘These blighters are trying to make me look like a bloody fool.’
Lib Dem headache: Former British energy secretary Chris HuhneChris Huhne’s resignation has driven Commons cloakroom attendants to distraction. Ludicrous Westminster tradition dictates that whenever an MP resigns, all the coat-peg nameplates have to be rearranged in alphabetic order. Now plans are being hatched by people who think about these things to list them in constituency order in future so the next time someone quits in disgrace, they won’t need to do a thing. A wise move, given the current crop of scandal-prone jokers in the Commons.
Alan uses his noodle
Energy Minister Greg Barker’s ‘top dog’ status as the Minister with the cutest canine pet – Otto the sausage dog – is under dire threat. Alan Duncan, the dapper International Aid Minister, has acquired an adorable pup, a cocker spaniel/poodle-cross named Noodle. The proud new owner boasts: ‘My cocker-poodle’s gorgeous. Noodle will certainly beat Otto in a beauty contest. I mean, just look at her owner!’
The Commons has a problem: an urban fox has penetrated its strict security and has been seen padding around Parliament. One witness even claimed to have seen it strolling, bold as brass, down the corridor next to the Commons Library early one morning. ‘We are taking adviceon what to do about him,’ says an official. Pro-hunting Tory MPs will need little invitation to saddle up and dispatch the mangy beast.
