Skip to main content

Attention-seeking, naughty, erratic ... Jo thought her son didn't fit in because he was an only child - in fact, he had Asperger's

>

It’s taken almost four months for us to get to this stage: an official diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome (or not) by a specialist.

Mark has done the work of finding the professional: a clinical psychologist who specialises in autism spectrum disorders. Her clinic is in a little weatherboard house opposite a pub. She’s been referred by the Children’s Hospital as one of the best in the field.

  More... We breastfeed each other's children: Sisters claim that wet-nursing is a natural part of motherhood and sisterhood 'I shouldn't have to choose between modeling and education': New legislation could finally give vulnerable child models the protection they need How kids as young as ten spend SIX HOURS a day online - and 74% of parents have no idea what they're up to

There are three parts to the diagnosis. First, the psychologist talks to Mark and me about Leo while he sits in the waiting room with Dad, who is sleeping on our couch for the week. Then, Leo talks to the psychologist alone.

We’ve told him - deliberately nonchalant - that we’re here for some standard tests; we don’t elaborate and he doesn’t ask any questions. He is diverted by the novelty of a day off school. Lastly, Dad takes Leo home while Mark and I hear the diagnosis.

The psychologist shares an office with an ear, nose and throat doctor. The waiting room is full of his patients, an assembly of winter coughs and crumpled tissues. There are a few toys and a chalkboard in a corner, glossy magazines on the windowsill.

We talk brightly - over-brightly - while we wait, talking around the subject for Leo’s benefit. The psychologist, Naomi, seems youngish for an expert. She wears thick rectangular-framed glasses and a long tapered cardigan.

She is both warm and brisk, her manner reflecting the fact that her time is costing us a great deal of money. She asks a series of questions about Leo.

Why is he here? What are our concerns? What was he like as a baby? When did he start to talk? Did he go to childcare at all? From what age? What was he like playing with other children?

We fill in the gaps as best we can. Sometimes Mark makes observations I’ve never noticed. Is he impervious to pain? No, I say. Yes, says Mark. He’s very stoic. He often doesn’t realise he’s hurt himself until I comment on it.

Brave: Jo helps that her book, Boomer & Me, will help other parents come to terms with an Asperger's diagnosis

I’ve always thought he’s just being well-behaved. At other times he’s very sensitive to pain, I say. Once he notices he’s hurt, he makes a huge fuss. Both these things are true. Naomi notes it all down. I can’t quite imagine the picture we’re making for her.

Does he have any sensory issues? He doesn’t like scratchy clothes, I say. He won’t wear knitted jumpers, for instance. He doesn’t like how they feel on his skin. But this seems pretty normal to me. Most kids don’t like scratchy clothes.

He doesn’t like having his hair washed, says Mark. He doesn’t like the feel of the water on his scalp. I am sceptical. I’ve never noticed such a thing. He doesn’t seem to feel the cold, I venture. I’m always having to tell him to wear jumpers or jackets, or put warm pants on. He’s always arriving underdressed at my house.

Mark tells me Leo says he’s not cold, even if it’s freezing outside. Mark laughs and says I’m obsessed with Leo being cold. I laugh too. Because he’s English and went to boarding school in Scotland, Mark doesn’t feel the cold, I say.

Jo's book has been praised for its honesty on living with Asperger's

He doesn’t realise what’s appropriate for Leo. Naomi writes it all on her notepad. I wonder if she’s writing that Leo’s parents fight about stupid things like whether or not he wears enough layers.

Is Leo responsive to our feelings? Does he notice if we’re happy or sad or tired or cranky? No, says Mark.

Yes, I say. I notice him respond to my moods all the time. If I’m unhappy, he’s either unhappy too, or he’s especially solicitous, trying to pull me out of it. It’s no coincidence - I sense his moods shift in parallel rhythms to mine.

He’s very responsive, I say. Does he have any obsessive interests? Well, yes. Football. Yu-Gi-Oh. Lego. Yes, he likes to talk about these interests at length. Yes, he has always had special interests. Some past ones? Thomas the Tank Engine, Care Bears.

Does he have any special preferences when it comes to clothing? He used to insist on wearing a skivvy every day underneath his school shirt or T-shirt. But then again, I used to buy armloads of cheap red skivvies and let him draw on them with permanent text.

So he had Spiderman skivvies, spy skivvies, a collection of Fire X skivvies. (Fire X was a superhero he invented. I cut flames out of red fabric and hand-sewed them onto the leg of a pair of pants for him. They were his official Fire X pants. He was pretty fond of them, too.)

Did he get agitated if he couldn’t wear his skivvies? Um, yes. I tell the story of how Leo once ran away from school because I’d punished him that morning by banning him from wearing a skivvy. He was found in the park by himself, trying to cross the creek, by another mother from the same primary school.

She asked him what he was doing and he said he was going home to get a skivvy. I’d watched him walk into the school grounds. He’d waited until I disappeared before following me.

Naomi hoots with laughter. 'That’s pretty determined,' she says. 'It’s a great story.' I decide I quite like her. The deputy principal had not been amused at the time. Then again, neither was I.

And then it is Leo’s turn to talk to Naomi while we sit in the waiting room with Dad. He comes out of the room in a great mood; he’s been regaling her with football statistics.

'He’s very bright, isn’t he?' she says as we duck in to collect him. Dad takes Leo home on the tram. Mark and I walk down the road to a cafe where we get take-away coffees and Mark buys some kind of gourmet sandwich.

BEHIND THE BOOK: JO EXPLAINS WHY SHE NEEDED TO SHARE HER ASPERGER'S STORY

'When my son was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, aged seven, I didn’t know much about it – or autism in general.

'The images in my mind were fictional stereotypes, like Mark Haddon’s Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time or Dustin Hoffman in Rainman.

'And that lack of knowledge, those fictional examples of characters struggling with life, scared me.

'The first thing I did was look for books: for facts to anchor me in the real world and personal stories I could relate to, that would make me feel less alone.

'I found plenty of the first kind of book, but personal stories speaking to my experience were more elusive.

'In the six years since, I’ve met many other parents of kids on the autistic spectrum; they’ve all had the same impulse.

'I wanted to share my story to start a conversation about Asperger’s Syndrome, and so others might feel less alone.'

I can’t eat pre-made sandwiches (they go soggy, and I don’t like butter on them) so I buy a muffin for lunch. We talk about what we think the outcome will be as we hurry back to hear the verdict. I don’t think he’ll be Asperger’s; he’ll just have traits.

Or he’ll be just the tiniest bit Asperger’s. Mark thinks he will be Asperger’s, but he agrees it will be a close shave. 'I think my dad’s Asperger’s,' I say. Mark agrees. 'That could be the answer,' he says.

Dad has always been different; an individual. I’d never thought about why until I was introduced to the concept of Asperger’s, to the idea that it might be in my family.

I’ve always thought he just is how he is. Dad spent half my childhood in his bedroom, reading; in his study, inventing computer code; or on a tennis court. He doesn’t like small-talk; he’d often walk away from Mum (who loves small talk) when she was mid-conversation.

Sometimes she would follow him, still talking - he would ignore her. (And she would ignore the fact that he was ignoring her.) His views are strongly held: brought up Catholic, he is so anti-church that he once sat outside in a parked car while we all attended his niece’s christening.

He never does anything at all because it’s conventional; only if it makes sense to him. I have always admired this about him.

Naomi tells us that, in her opinion, Leo definitely has Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s a classic case, she says. Straight down the middle. No doubt. I am shocked.

'But what about his empathy? He has empathy. I told you he reacts to my unspoken moods.'

'He’s very tuned in to you,' Naomi says. 'That can happen with Asperger’s boys, in particular, and their mothers. It’s a close bond. But he doesn’t seem to sense people’s moods in general.'

(Soon, the 'no empathy' element of an Asperger’s diagnosis will be largely discredited. Evidence will suggest that people with Asperger’s Syndrome actually have extreme empathy - more than most people - it’s just that the triggers for it are different.)

'What about his creativity? He plays imaginatively all the time. And he writes stories.'

Naomi points out that his creative play is usually within the framework of a particular storytelling universe - like Bionicles or Yu-Gi-Oh. 'It’s not always,' I say. 'He makes things up from scratch. He conjures stories out of the air.'

She asks for an example. I tell her he used to have imaginary friends. I tell her that when he was younger, we’d catch the tram home together from work and childcare and he’d say things like, Look Mum, there’s a fairy, and he’s picking that man’s nose. 'That’s imaginative!'

'Who would start those games?' she asks. 'Pardon?' 'Who would start those games? Who first came up with the idea of an imaginary friend? Was it you or him?' I don’t know.

'Did you imagine seeing things?' Of course. 'Do you think you might have pointed out, say, the fairies on the tram, first?' I might have.

'It’s called scaffolding,' she says. 'You modelled imaginative play for him. He was joining in.' 'Oh,' I say.

Naomi has an answer to all my questions, all the niggling doubts that made me seriously doubt the school counsellor’s diagnosis.

For every significant deviation from the classic Asperger’s Syndrome framework, Naomi has an explanation for how it’s not really a deviation at all. Something clicks in my head. For the first time, I believe this is real.

Boomer and Me: A Memoir of Motherhood, and Asperger’s by Jo Case is published by Hardie Grant and priced at £12.99



Popular posts from this blog

Study Abroad USA, College of Charleston, Popular Courses, Alumni

Thinking for Study Abroad USA. School of Charleston, the wonderful grounds is situated in the actual middle of a verifiable city - Charleston. Get snatched up by the wonderful and customary engineering, beautiful pathways, or look at the advanced steel and glass building which houses the School of Business. The grounds additionally gives students simple admittance to a few major tech organizations like Amazon's CreateSpace, Google, TwitPic, and so on. The school offers students nearby as well as off-grounds convenience going from completely outfitted home lobbies to memorable homes. It is prepared to offer different types of assistance and facilities like clubs, associations, sporting exercises, support administrations, etc. To put it plainly, the school grounds is rising with energy and there will never be a dull second for students at the College of Charleston. Concentrate on Abroad USA is improving and remunerating for your future. The energetic grounds likewise houses various

Best MBA Online Colleges in the USA

“Opportunities never open, instead we create them for us”. Beginning with this amazing saying, let’s unbox today’s knowledge. Love Business and marketing? Want to make a high-paid career in business administration? Well, if yes, then mate, we have got you something amazing to do!   We all imagine an effortless future with a cozy house and a laptop. Well, well! You can make this happen. Today, with this guide, we will be exploring some of the top-notch online MBA universities and institutes in the USA. Let’s get started! Why learn Online MBA from the USA? Access to More Options This online era has given a second chance to children who want to reflect on their careers while managing their hectic schedules. In this, the internet has played a very crucial in rejuvenating schools, institutes, and colleges to give the best education to students across the globe. Graduating with Less Debt Regular classes from high reputed institutes often charge heavy tuition fees. However onl

Sickening moment maskless 'Karen' COUGHS in the face of grocery store customer, then claims she doesn't have to wear a mask because she 'isn't sick'

A woman was captured on camera following a customer through a supermarket as she coughs on her after claiming she does not need a mask because she is not sick.  Video of the incident, which has garnered hundreds of thousands of views on Twitter alone, allegedly took place in a Su per Saver in Lincoln, Nebraska according to Twitter user @davenewworld_2. In it, an unidentified woman was captured dramatically coughing as she smiles saying 'Excuse me! I'm coming through' in the direction of the customer recording her. Scroll down for video An unidentified woman was captured dramatically coughing as she smiles saying 'Excuse me! I'm coming through' in the direction of a woman recording her A woman was captured on camera following a customer as she coughs on her in a supermarket without a mask on claiming she does not need one because she is not sick @chaiteabugz #karen #covid #karens #karensgonewild #karensalert #masks we were just wearing a mask at the store. ¿ o