Wives need to be wary of becoming the boss at home

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Ever heard of a chief executive who makes tea for senior staff, washes up the mugs afterwards and then stays late to drive the juniors home from the pub? Who never has a day off, always comforts you when you’re ill and won’t resign if the pressure gets too much?

No, thought not.

So my advice to any wife thinking of embracing the new trend of calling themselves ‘domestic CEOs’ is that they should be very wary indeed.

According to new research, a staggering 93 per cent of women aged between 40 and 60 are domestic CEOs. That is to say, they take all or most of their family’s financial decisions, from buying a new TV to booking a holiday or choosing a car.

Being 'CEO' at home is a thankless task that will drive frustrated alpha types to put terrifying pressures on themselves and their children

Gone are the days when the little wife was forced to depend on a weekly allowance from her all-powerful husband: in 2012, she usually has access to all his money as well as hers.

So far, so admirable. Nevertheless, there are many reasons for women to resist the idea that running a home in any way resembles life at the top of the corporate tree.

The first is that appending the letters CEO to ‘domestic’ merely glamorises a job for which the reward has never been glory or status (and certainly not a huge pay package with perks), but the simple and satisfying knowledge that you’re helping to make everyone else’s life better.

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Another is that for much of the time, you’re not so much a CEO as unpaid intern.

Chief duties include delivering a succession of hot drinks and snacks to order, developing a working knowledge of television programmes you loathe (The X Factor, Sweet Sixteen, Hollyoaks), and being able to answer any question that’s thrown at you, from ‘where’s my sports kit’ to ‘how does Pythagoras’ theorem work’?

Then there’s the washing — oh, the endless washing — and the constant ferrying by car, not to mention the late-night conversations about the meaning of life (or at least, what their life means — no one cares about yours).

A third reason to be wary is that women who apply pretentious corporate titles to their domestic life are almost certainly frustrated alpha-types who’ve given up their top jobs. All their energies are subsequently poured into raising their children and running the home — and anything less than perfection is deemed unacceptable.

The pressure this puts both on them and their children is frankly terrifying. They expect their offspring to be not only slim, beautiful and sporty but also to be a winner — academically, musically, and socially. As one such driven mother confided to me recently: ‘I’ve told my son he must never get less than an A — let’s face it, a B is a fail.’

Of course, a small minority of such women are actually married to a real CEO or similarly well-paid businessman. They may have several homes in different countries to oversee, with all the concomitant staff and travel arrangements, and they’re expected not only to throw elegant dinner parties but also to adorn their husband’s arm at high-powered social events.

For them, there’s also the constant fear of being fired — though if they’re cast aside for a younger, prettier domestic CEO, they can at least expect to be recompensed with a pay-off and a pension. Not so the rest of us, who’d get little in the way of redundancy if our marriages went off the rails.

Independent housewives: Gone are the days when the little wife was forced to depend on a weekly allowance from her all-powerful husband

But perhaps the most worrying aspect of the survey is that so many women claim to be in sole charge of how family money is spent. If 93 per cent of wives really are making most or all of the financial decisions, then it follows that 93 per cent of husbands are at risk of being domestically disenfranchised. And that can’t be a recipe for a happy marriage.

Personally, I wouldn’t dream of making a major purchase without consulting my husband (I’m excluding shoes here, obviously) — and nor would he. As it happens, I couldn’t care less what TV or computer we have — but he still asks me what I think before he buys a new one. Apart from anything else, it’s basic good manners.

Unhappiness: If 93 per cent of housewives have total control over the family budget, the majority of marriages are vastly unequal

Marriage is a precarious business, exposed to countless hidden dangers from bankruptcy to a hostile takeover (divorce). But its great joy is that it’s also a genuine partnership.

So if you must call yourself something fancy, make it ‘Joint Domestic CEO’. Just remember: in the corporate world, the more elaborate the title, the less it actually means.

For myself, I think I’ll just stick to ‘wife’.

According to a new survey, women typically spend 12 hours choosing their dress and accessories for the office party. Long experience teaches me that it’s never worth the bother. There are only three women at any office party whose outfits will really be scrutinised: the office bitch, the office siren and the boss’s wife. The rest of us can frankly wear whatever we like because, as posh children’s nannies used to say to their little charges between the wars: ‘No one’s going to be looking at you, darling.’

Jessica Ennis is one of the many Olympians tipped to win the coveted title of BBC Sports Personality of the Year

Jess the best!

Bradley Wiggins — the rock star of cycling — is the favourite to win BBC Sports Personality of the Year, while flamboyant Mo Farah has said quite openly that he wants the title. They would both be worthy winners, but I really hope the award is given to heptathlete Jessica Ennis, who not only proved herself to be outstanding in seven disciplines, but did so without ever being showy or pushy. She wouldn’t dream of blowing her own trumpet, which is precisely why I hope she wins.

Manchester headmaster Ian Fenn, who a year ago banned the use of mobile phones anywhere on his school’s grounds, says it’s ‘the most important thing we’ve done for pupils to improve learning’. Behaviour and concentration have improved, while reports of cyber-bullying have dropped dramatically.

As Ofsted reports that more than two million children in Britain are still attending schools ranked less than good, shouldn’t Education Secretary Michael Gove make this simple step a legal requirement for schools nationwide?

Banking on the Governor’s wife

Chiselled and square-jawed, the new Governor of the Bank of England looks like a character out of Mad Men and apparently has an ego to match. So how cheering to read that Mark Carney’s wife is an opinionated Left-wing intellectual who thinks the banks are rotten and that inequality of income is the defining issue of our time.

Critics say he is less than self-effacing and wears his Oxford doctorate on his sleeve. Will Chancellor George Osborne — who’s hired him and describes him as ‘the best in the world’ — keep him on his toes? Possibly not. But Mrs Carney certainly will.

Nadine on the reality show 'I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here', from which she was voted off last week

Nadine Dorries is deluded when she says that her fellow women MPs are jealous of her fame. The only one who might have been was the equally egotistical Louise Mensch, and she’s gone. The others are simply appalled at her vanity and lack of judgment.

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Olympic gymnast Louis Smith says he’s wary of starting another relationship because his ex-girlfriend broke his heart and abused his trust. Billy Whyatt, meanwhile, says she wishes he’d stop talking about her and adds: ‘Any girl would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend. He was very caring and romantic.’

What she means is that she found him clingy and boring. Get over her, Louis — the nation’s women await!

Storming successThanks both to her brilliant presenting of the Olympics and her wonderful memoir, Clare Balding is now officially a National Treasure.

Yet as her Radio 4 newsreader partner Alice Arnold points out, neither feat ranks with the accomplishment of which she is most proud.

‘If just one gay person or parent of a gay child sees us and thinks that maybe it’s not so bad, that you don’t have to live your life in fear, that sexuality does not define everything and it doesn’t always need to be a struggle, then we have achieved something,’ Alice says.

Of course it’s quite something to be a national treasure. But to storm the barricades of social prejudice makes Clare very special indeed.

Not half as daft as she pretends

Miranda Hart, who will appear on our screens not once but twice on Christmas Day (in both Call The Midwife and her eponymous show Miranda), says she doesn’t care how she looks.

Plain Jane: But the only thing detracting from Miranda Hart's looks is her hair

But a photoshoot in the latest issue of Tatler magazine shows her transformed into a glamorous sex bomb.

She’s been professionally made-up and is wearing a white fur coat over a black evening dress, but what really made the difference was a glamorous wig. Proving that the only thing that detracts from her looks is not her height but her hair.

This raises an interesting question. Why has she lived so long with the pudding-bowl hairdo? Perhaps she actually prefers her usual gawky look. After all, the world is full of attractive women. But there’s only one who’s become a national TV star precisely because she’s not attractive.

Miranda may be ungainly. But she’s definitely not stupid.