SANDRA PARSONS: My advice to new mum Kate? Ignore ALL advice: Why the Duchess of Cambridge should follow her instincts - and turn to her Mum for support when she needs it
Just two years after becoming the world’s most scrutinised bride, the Duchess of Cambridge now finds herself the world’s most scrutinised mother-to-be.
If she was irked by having to make her acute morning sickness public or the inevitable speculation about the sex of the royal baby, she hasn’t shown it. Instead, she’s provided us with a masterclass in stylish maternity dressing and a textbook demonstration of why pregnant women are so often described as ‘blooming’.
However, maintaining her flawless composure is about to become altogether trickier. Because while it’s undoubtedly tough to have your dress sense, hair and figure constantly critiqued, there’s barely a woman alive who can cope with being criticised as a vulnerable new mother.
Mother-to-be: So far, the Duchess of Cambridge has provided us with a masterclass in stylish maternity dressing and a textbook demonstration of why pregnant women are so often described as 'blooming'Masterclass: If Kate was irked by having to make her acute morning sickness public or the inevitable speculation about the sex of the royal baby, she certainly hasn't shown it
Overwhelmed with love for her baby, she discovers that fear and guilt become her constant companions. Why is the baby crying? What am I doing wrong? What should I be doing better?
It’s at this point that many new mothers, desperate for advice, turn to the pile of parenting books teetering by the bedside. The problem is, many of them not only contradict each other but actually set standards that most women find impossible to achieve.
More... Woman photographer who took topless pictures of Kate Middleton could face a year in jail as French magazine that published them faces closure Kate's first maternity outfit: Pregnant Kate dresses the royal bump in designer baby blue on charity visit to view Prince William's portrait Woman photographer and Closer publisher facing criminal trial over topless pictures of Kate MiddletonBreast milk drying up? Your fault, Penelope Leach tells you sternly. You should be resting more. Baby crying? Leave him, says Gina Ford — he needs to learn to settle himself independently. Not so! says Penelope — he’s crying because he needs you, now.
Little wonder, then, that a new poll by Grannynet, a social networking site for grandparents, has found that 60 per cent of them feel modern parenting manuals are so overbearing that they actually stunt mothers’ natural instincts.
Kate strikes as a perfectionist who's desperate to do everything faultlessly. In her two years as a royal so far she's managed to pull this off, thanks to iron self-discipline and a genuinely sweet nature Kate and Carole clearly have an exceptionally close relationship - indeed, just one look at that photo of mother and daughter with a newly bought Moses basket shows you that they're completely in tuneThey’re right, of course. It’s a vicious circle: worried young mum consults parenting book, discovers she’s been doing it all wrong, tries even harder — and ends up feeling she’s an abject failure.
This is a tragedy, because what mothers need most of all is confidence. Babies pick up on a lack of it immediately: they feel safe with someone who’s calm and in control, and fractious and frightened with someone who’s not.
Will Kate be sensible enough to leave the baby manuals unread? I’m hopeful she will, because she’s already taken the most sensible step of all by deciding to spend the first six weeks of her baby’s life with her mother.
Kate strikes me as a perfectionist who’s desperate to do everything faultlessly. In her two years as a royal so far she’s managed to pull this off, thanks to iron self-discipline and a genuinely sweet nature.
Resentment: The relationship between Diana and her mother Frances Shand Kydd was complicated, partly by distance but mostly by emotionBut babies have a habit of turning even the most controlled life upside down. Add to that the pressure on Kate of knowing that she’s giving birth to a future sovereign, and you have a recipe for maternal meltdown. It will be Carole’s job to provide her with the crucial reassurance that comes from having raised three children herself. William, meanwhile, will be anxious for his wife to have more support than his own mother did.
The relationship between Diana and her mother Frances Shand Kydd was complicated, partly by distance (Mrs Shand Kydd lived on an island near Oban in Scotland) but mostly by emotion. The Princess seethed with confused, unarticulated resentment at having been abandoned by her mother when she was just six, after Frances ran off with wallpaper heir Peter Shand Kydd, leaving her youngest daughter and son Charles with their father.
So when Diana returned to Kensington Palace with newborn William in 1982, not only was her own mother not there, but she was surrounded by ageing courtiers who advised her that what she needed was a maternity nurse and a nursery nurse, freeing her to focus on her royal duties and her husband. They found her insistence that she wanted to be a hands-on mother both wilful and baffling.
By contrast, Kate and Carole clearly have an exceptionally close relationship — indeed, just one look at that photo of mother and daughter with a newly bought Moses basket shows you that they’re completely in tune.
More... Woman photographer who took topless pictures of Kate Middleton could face a year in jail as French magazine that published them faces closure Kate's first maternity outfit: Pregnant Kate dresses the royal bump in designer baby blue on charity visit to view Prince William's portrait Woman photographer and Closer publisher facing criminal trial over topless pictures of Kate MiddletonBack at the Middletons’ spacious new home in Berkshire, Kate can truly be herself, unobserved by staff, free of obligations to be on her royal best behaviour.
Even so, the Palace will no doubt be eager for her to return to London as soon as possible, and wherever she is, Kate’s first months as a mother will be swamped by uninvited offers of advice, whether from staff, parenting ‘experts’ or armchair pundits.
My tip? Ignore the lot of them, Kate. Follow your instincts instead — and turn to Mum for support when you need it.
It may not always make you the perfect parent, but it will make you a far happier one — and that’s what will benefit your baby most.
Helen’s regal bearing Result of good Pilates: Good posture might not give you a smooth jawline - but it will instantly make you look, and feel, ten years youngerI've no idea whether Helen Mirren’s swan neck and smooth cheeks are the result of brilliant cosmetic work, but I’m sure that the way she stands — shoulders back, tummy in, bottom tucked, chin up — is the result of Pilates. Good posture might not give you a smooth jawline — but it will instantly make you look, and feel, ten years younger.
How sad to learn that airlines are to begin asking passengers to make online bids for upgrades when they book their economy tickets. A few years ago, my husband, two children, father and I arrived at the departure gate for our long-saved-up-for trip to Kenya and discovered to our complete astonishment that we’d all been upgraded to Virgin’s Upper Class. To this day we have no idea why (the tickets were in my married name) but it was a dream-like experience involving flat beds, champagne and four-course meals. Everyone deserves this experience at least once for free, although it does of course have one drawback: you’re doomed to feel dissatisfied every time you fly economy again.
Blair could have prevented epidemicMy son had just been born when the MMR scare was at its height. Given that it arose from an article in the highly-respected medical journal The Lancet, it seemed irresponsible to go ahead and equally irresponsible not to have him vaccinated at all.The obvious answer was to have single vaccinations. For me, this meant making a three-hour round trip with an 18-month-old by Tube and train to a private clinic that offered them at £60 a time.Understandably, many mothers couldn’t afford to do this - especially if they had more than one child. I don’t blame them for crossing their fingers and hoping for their best. But I do blame Tony Blair, whose Labour government steadfastly refused to make the single jabs available on the NHS. Had they done so, we would not be facing a measles epidemic today. I admire Posh's push for perfectionVictoria Beckham says she understands why ‘everyone thinks I’m going to be such a cow’ because she’d think the same if she were looking at pictures of herself.
And now we know why she always looks so miserable: she’s a perfectionist who obsesses over every detail of her life, from planning each outfit the night before to sweating over her children’s maths homework.
We now know why Victoria always looks so miserable: she's a perfectionist who obsesses over every detail of her life, from planning each outfit the night before to sweating over her children's maths homeworkHer insistence on perfection makes her difficult to work for but it’s certainly paid off: her clothes are simply exquisite. And to be honest I’d rather have the miserable-looking Posh — always glowering in pictures because she doesn’t like her smile — than grinning Gwyneth Paltrow any day of the week.
Everything Gwynnie does, from her see-through panelled dress to her faddy diet, says: Look at me!
I’m a Hollywood star! Whereas every grimace, every super-high heel, every perfectly cut outfit worn by Posh screams: I may have left school with a few GCSEs, but I’m trying really hard — and I’m going to make it even if it kills me.
Lack of sensitivity: Amanda Knox says she wants the permission of Meredith Kercher's family to visit her grave, so that she can 'get closure' Amanda Knox says she wants the permission of Meredith Kercher’s family to visit her grave, so that she can ‘get closure’. Her lack of sensitivity is simply astonishing. She’s been paid £2.5 million to write a self-serving book protesting her innocence.I suggest she tries to find closure with that, because Meredith’s family have so far had no closure at all.
Dame Diana does girls no favoursFormer Avenger Diana Rigg says she’s not a feminist and that women are bitchy to one another because they’re competing for men and sex. I think she’s wrong, and her comments do women no favours at all.
As Heather Hanbury, the headmistress of Wimbledon High School, says, women still find it harder than men to promote their own achievements and often don’t have the self- confidence to apply for a bigger job or a pay rise. So she’s just launched a ‘blow your own trumpet week’ at her school to encourage girls to celebrate their successes.
It’s a tough world out there for teenage girls. So shame on you, Dame Diana, for making it even harder — and three cheers for the headmistress. Because what women need to learn most of all is how to value themselves.
And until they do, men certainly won’t.
Cliff Richard says he takes nine tablets a day to maintain his vigour and assumes one of them is keeping him alive, ‘but I don’t know which one it is’. Perhaps the increasingly raddled-looking Mick Jagger — who’s three years younger than Cliff but looks 20 years older — should tell his doctor: ‘I’ll have what he’s having.’
