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London Mayor race: Boris and Ken can fight all they like, but they're really just two of a not-very-nice kind

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So, Boris Johnson had a furious row with Ken Livingstone in a lift… Well, I suppose it beats looking at the floor, and the wall, and the ceiling and anywhere else you can think of it an attempt to avoid eye-contact with any of the other people squeezed into the same little box, which is how I spend most lift journeys.

Of course, sticklers for etiquette may think Boris was taking matters a tad too far by calling Red Ken ‘a f***ing liar’.

‘Hypocrite’ would surely have sufficed.

War of words: An outraged Boris Johnson branded Ken Livingstone a 'liar' while discussing their taxes during the live radio session

Livingstone, after all, is a dyed-in-the-wool socialist who uses a limited company to shelter his media income and minimize his tax exposure. Indeed, the argument began when, in an attempt to deflect criticism of his blatant double standards, Ken claimed (wrongly, as it transpires)that Johnson did the same thing.

Livingstone’s connections to Islamist groups also leave him open to accusations of hypocrisy. For the very same Livingstone who today declares that he wants to make London ‘a beacon of Islam’ once prided himself on his atheism, claiming that he’d renounced his belief in God at the age of 11 and had ‘rejected mumbo-jumbo in favour of radical science.’

Boris has not gone after the Muslim vote with quite such ardour, nor has he ever voiced opinions about Jews that are quite as unpleasant as some of those expressed by not-so-cuddly Ken. But the irony of the two men’s argument – indeed of the entire London mayoral contest that they are currently fighting – is that they are actually very similar figures and, one might say, equally undeserving of our trust.

Clash: Ken Livingstone accused Boris Johnson of using the same tax 'arrangements' that he came under fire for during an hour long radio debate at LBC studios in central London

Like Madonna, Sting and Adolf, both Ken and Boris can be identified by their first names alone. They are political brands, heavily self-promoted on the media that come with instantly recognisable characteristics.

‘Red Ken’ may be an unrepentant old leftie, but even dyed-in-the-wool Tories can’t help admiring the brazen, newt-fancying cheek of the man, not to mention his unerring ability to embarrass and infuriate all the Labour leaders who rise and fall while he keeps plugging relentlessly away.

  More... 'You're a f****** liar', Boris tells Ken in furious on-air spat over who avoids paying most tax (and the row got even more heated after they left the studio) Caption Competition: Boris enacts some below the belt revenge after Ken Livingstone showdown...

Meanwhile, even the chippiest, toff-hating Trot fonds it hard to work up too much foaming apoplexy over Good Old Boris, the bumbling Bertie Wooster of politics, with his crumpled suits, his comfy paunch and his tousled mop of golden hair. Even when he offends yet another city, country or entire race with a patrician disdain for conventional pieties that makes Prince Philip seem politically correct, Boris somehow manages to get away with it.

Unoffensive: Even when Boris offends yet another city, country or person, he somehow manages to get away with it

Yet we should not be deceived by their surface amiability, for these are both two driven, ambitious, ruthless, utterly selfish individuals.Livingstone only ever came to power in 1981 as leader of what was then the Greater London Council by leading a hard-left coup against the leader of the city’s newly-elected Labour administration, Andrew McIntosh.

Boris has never been quite so brutal. But no one should doubt his conviction that he, rather than David Cameron should be Eton’s representative in No.10. Boris is just as capable as Ken of using the job of London mayor as a platform for self-promotion, grandstanding, causing trouble and spending public money on pet projects that are intended more to glorify himself than assist ordinary Londoners.

Both men illustrate the degree to which charm can be used to exploit and manipulate others as well as to please them. Boris, for example, has repeatedly demonstrated a distinctly caddish attitude to his relationships with women. Twice married, with four legitimate children he has been the subject of constant extra-marital allegations. He is said to have fathered a child whose mother, art consultant Helen Macintyre worked as an ‘unpaid adviser’ at City Hall. He has also been accused of getting a previous girlfriend, the journalist Petronella Wyatt pregnant and then quibbling over the cost of the subsequent abortion.

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Ken, meanwhile, has had a less public, but equally intriguing private life. He and his current partner and office manager Emma Beal have two children, but Ken has also fathered another three offspring, though both their mothers and the means of conception are unknown.

Both men consistently behave as though the rules that govern the rest of us, be they public or private, personal or professional are somehow not for them. They do not believe that they need ever toe a party line, nor do they feel obliged to display any great consistency in the things they say or do.

To which one might reply, ‘Do any politicians?’ One might also say that Boris and Ken do at least make public life a little more lively and less stuffy. They do not have the vomit-inducing smugness, self-satisfaction and absolute isolation from the lives of ordinary voters that make all three main party leaders so skin-crawlingly repellent.

But their charm is precisely what makes both Boris and Ken untrustworthy. Charm deceives. Charm betrays. Charm covers a multitude of sins. And charming, raffish, roguish politicians, however much they may add to the gaiety of the nation will always, in the end do it more harm than good. And if you don’t believe me, I have just two words to say: George … Galloway.



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