Celebrity Apprentice Winner: 'All-Star Celebrity Apprentice' Winners
Awarded. After keeping two-hour extravaganza (Tim Tebow! Magic tricks!
Songs!) and the revelation that both Trace Adkins and Penn Jillette can
launch semi-successful ice cream flavors and socials, it was time for
one last firing and for one of the finalists to emerge victorious in
this b-a-n-a-n-a-s season. Spoiler alert: Don’t keep reading if you
haven’t watched the All-Star Celebrity Apprentice season finale. My
recap will be up at 2 a.m. Update: Here it is!
Trace
Adkins is the winner, meaning that Penn Jillette was fired by Donald
Trump. The choice didn’t just come down to money, even though Trace
raised more than Penn. Instead, it was a mixture of success at the Final
Challenge as well as other business-y traits that Trump found
appealing. Would either finalist have preferred the other to lose? Trace
and Penn were so close. One was an atheist! The other was the devil!
(Says the atheist ) As Penn told Trace during their respective events:
One of them would win, but it wouldn’t be by much.
Can
I admit that I was surprised by how well both guys held up in the
finale? It would have been fun to see them crack, to actually see Trace
hit Penn, or have Penn sick Teller on Trace. But it was more fun, I
think, to see them go macro on such a micro challenge. Whose social
would be better, for them and for charity? The answer, it turns out, is
Us, America.
The elimination ceremony was inter-cut
with footage from the challenge — a live-action circus equal parts
gauntlet, verdict, and variety hour. Dee Snyder came back! Claudia came
back! (What’s she been doing? I hope she’s happy.) Of course Omarosa was
there, celebrating “10 years with the franchise.” Of course Donald
wanted to know if she and Claudia and/or she and La Toya are friends. At
one point, Penn encased Teller’s head in concrete and then smashed it
apart (I think). Trace sang again. The elimination was deep, y’all —
literally, the stage was stacked. So much was happening in the fore- and
backgrounds, simultaneously. It was the Citizen Kane of finales:
Penn
sold more ice cream and Trace raised a “tremendous” amount of money,
but I like to think that Stephen Baldwin was winning because Stephen
Baldwin wasn’t paying attention.
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